Massive Sodium Goodness

There is a special art to Ramen. I'm sure all folks do it well, but seeking and achieving perfection can transform it into a kind, gentle and artistic meal. No one dares crush the noodles in the bag before popping open the bag. That is wrong. Always smash the fucking noodles first. Right. Don't let them burst out of the bag though. 

So, eyeball the water and keep it on the lean side. I would say roughly two times the volume of the unsmashed block of 'noodles' if that is what they are. Add the seasoning right away to the water. Let that heat up and boil. This is the time to throw the smashed bits in there. Many people make the mistake at this point to just leave the pan on the stove and go pass out in the other room for an hour or two. That's really not recommended for health reasons mostly. The burning teflon plays hell with your lungs.  IF this happens though, it's not a big deal. Just kind of look around to make sure no one saw the fact that you pretty much just about burnt your house down, and start over. Wash the pan first. Handles just don't melt on most pans,  I've noticed. Hoooray.

Say you didn't forget about it. It really only takes about 6-8 minutes for this. Now, the part you should really watch is the noodle. Add them to the brown sodium juice roiling in the saucer pan, don't boil the jesus out of it, just simmer as they say. Stir stir stir till the little chunkettes of protein/noodle come undone in the fluid. Let it soak till the noodles grow transparent. This is the secret. You can't rush it. Let them get a little juicy, a little clear.
Then, add the egg right into the middle. With a wooden spoon, (pretending we haven't fucked the teflon on this pan already) stab the yolk and spread it around and stir it up. There will be these white tendrils of egg mixed in with the noodle shaped protein. There should be little to no moisture left. All that sodium browness filled each noodle to the brim. That's what makes em clear asshole. It also is what makes them so delectable. Then, serve them on about four cubes of ice. Maybe three. This will cool the pasty saltiness and give it that 'soup' nature you long for. Choke it down like a mug of juice or eat it with a spoon. This is a favorite, I kid you not.