Some Fucked Up Chinese Bullshit

Just made this one tonight, that makes this 'cipe only like 5 hours old. Here's what I did: I bought the good ramen from Fry's. Not the maruchan or top ramen bullshit. The stuff with japanese letters on it, next to the wasabi peas. Get it.

Broccoli: get it fresh this time. It's so cheap in august, what the fuck are you doing buying that frozen bullshit? Fuck you.

Spicehouses:

Chinese five mices (this is cinnamon, licorice [serious], garlic and a bunch of other stuff, so tasty)

Hoisin

Smicey Mustard

racha

soy sauce

Put the broccoli in a frying pan with the spices.

I suddenly realized that this 'cipe had no meat in it and I was like shit, I got so much chicken in the fridge. If you don't have a big bag of frozen chicken in your e-z-freeze, you're a fucking idiot, because it's seriously like 8 bucks for a fucking BAG OF CHICKEN at the frys by our house. Spices are also pretty cheap and you can always find plenty of crunchy and tasty snacks to eat, such as the cracker smacks that were ten 3-packs for ten bucks, and also the dairy aisle which always has lots of quality snacks in many flavors. bread is like 79 cents DUDE so go to the store and buy some shit.

Back to the ramen (the good ramen, by the wasabi peas). The reason you bought the good ramen instead of the maruchan bullshit is because the good ramen comes with not one but TWO packets of flavors. The first one is your basic bullshit ramen flavor powder, but it's actually made of a quality spicehouse foundation. the 2nd packet is a bunch of I shit you not freeze-dried vegetables that are actually quite plump and cruchy/spicy once they get boiled. Once the ramen gets nice and boiled down, add the spice packets and stir it. Now all you gotta do is take the broccoli and spices and pour it into the pot with the ramen. Then put racha on it and EAT IT BRO.

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DESAYUNO DE LA PEQUEñA

mexican breakfast!

need:

tortillas
-corn only, no flour

eggs

bacon

poblano

green onion

Nepalitos
- inquire at Food City

queso
-shredded

potato
-this is optional. really, corn tortillas are tiny by nature so theres only so much you can stuff in 'em


you will need something to display the cooked ingredients on so their easily grabbable! i use a large cutting board. Have your spicehouses close at hand, as always.

also a small pan w/grease smear of your choice; the trick is to heat the corns on low and make em nice 'n floppy hot..that way your torts stand a chance of staying strong thru-out the meal!


as for the other prep, start the bacon first. this is pretty much common sense, think about how long the bacon will take to cook compared to the other stuff; its meat. this should make sense; you should actually already have the bacon started by this point in the recipe..

when its on the verge of crispy, dice everything else (not the eggs) and toss it in another pan. let em cook on med-high in their own juices unless your feeling the sauce..if you have any type of salsa now is a great time. stir frequently, pause to add generous spicings thru out. keep an eye on the bacon, it should be crispy by now if not more so. Crumble it into a pile and leave it while your doin the other stuff.

ok, now with the free pan crack eggs strait up, make like your gonna fry em at first. then take a spatula and stab that shit into scrambles. i always do this cuz i like the texture, and they still turn out nicely scrambled 'n fluffy. for xtra fluff add a spot o milk! for xtra house add tapatio (recommended). stir it right up!

by this time the vegg should be spiced; grab a lid and crank the burner to high to give em a final fritz while you scoop the egggs right next to the b-crumbles. plop the cheese in a pile next to that. get your spices out and put them next to all that..tapatio, cholula garlic, and 505 green chile all come highly recommended.

heat the torts in aforementioned grease pan and yor ready to grub! this is grab-it-all style, if you do it right you and all your bros should be able to squelch all the fixin's into a delicious lil corn-bowl. hopefully you also figured out how much to make per tortilla either a) owned or currently residing in the house, or b) that had received 'dibs' upon; if not i cant really help you.


D.d.l.P is meant to be enjoyed after a long nite of debauchery. when you wake up feeling super shitty, the first thing you want to do is puke for a while. but the next thing you usually want after that is a delicious mexican breakfast, spicy enough to blast the toxins thru your pores and make your forehead sweat buckets! You are guaranteed to feel refreshed afterwards; a cold beverage is a must! Your goat-hole will thank you later :)